Well, I guess the time has come. I need to, want to, write about the thing that I most and least want to write about. I have cried for the last two days, almost constantly, as I walked closer and closer to this task. My eyes hurt. They hurt the same way that they did in the months following November 3, 2014…

It’s become common to hear someone say,”I don’t like your energy” or “I love your energy” or “the energy is just “off” or even, “the energy is really good in here”. We have become aware that, like breath, energy is part of our invisible makeup. We are a composite not only of bone, muscle, tissue and fluid, but also of energy and oxygen. We can see and feel the first 4 but the last 2, THAT requires consciousness….

We come into the world unknown. Fresh from the womb we arrive, with only basic medical facts known of us. Wide-eyed, into this complex world, we emerge. We are reliant on our caregivers for some time, helpless and dependent, but our souls already have a plan. My beliefs in spirituality and metaphysics back this up. We show up, lifetime after lifetime, to learn the lessons and make the changes that we failed to in the last lifetime. In this way, our souls become more and more evolved with the goal of reaching enlightenment. These beliefs have been supportive to me in some of my darkest times. It keeps me from feeling victimized by the events of my life.

I think of the Avengers. Yes, I am a Marvels fan. I was late to the game, but now love to watch Endgame over and over. I mean, the storyline is good with the tried and true theme of good vs evil. The characters are well-developed, interesting and have a sense of humor. One of the things that I enjoy about the franchise is watching the characters maintain their individuality while creating a space for themselves within the team of heroes.

My first poem, age 10.

At the baseline, dreams are a series of thoughts, images and sensations occurring in one’s mind during sleep. Dreams most often occur in the REM portion of our sleep time, when our mind is more relaxed. Perhaps our defenses are down and our judgments, thoughts, reactivity and perceptions are subdued. Our unconscious is allowed to come out of the shadows and present itself; that is, sleep allows us to get out of our own way in order to see something more organic and less “managed”. Although science teaches us that we dream for about 2 hours every night (Verywellmind.com), often we cannot recall our dreams. And as we get moving through our morning, the dreams seem to slip away.

When was the last time that you felt like a LOSER? Did you lose a contest or a game? Did you lose your home or a friend? Was it an investment or an opportunity for a job? Your credit card or Wifi service? A loved one or a pet? There are so many ways to lose. You might’ve felt the vacancy of the abyss or relished the space that the loss provided…

I remember a day in February 2020 when Covid-19 was looming and about to set the world into a frenzy of unprecedented consequences. I was in Arizona, visiting my daughter and son-in-law. Caitlin and I went to pick Taylor up at the airport. On the way home, Caitlin and Taylor were acting a little grumpy toward each other. {“Grumpy” is a commonly-used gramma word, in case you didn’t know.} I was uncomfortable and trying to steer the conversation in another direction with my usual,”Hmmmmm, never saw a truck like that before” comments…

On August 19, 2021 I was laying on a mattress on the floor in my apartment, having arrived the day before with the hope of getting a rest from the nightmare that had quickly become a part of my life. I was exhausted and depleted from the last 37 days spent in the hospital with my daughter. I received a phone call that propelled me to make the decision to crawl off of the floor and head back to the airport.

60! This is a big number! It's more than twice half of 50! I am now 60 years old. For all of you young 'uns out there (actually, ANYONE younger than me), I once thought that I would never reach 60. I mean, that sounds really old (insert old woman with cane here). Anywho....